BLEAK UNIVERSE

PART VI

ROGER: MICK! Stop already!
MICK: Is it dead yet? I'll hit it again with the bat. "TAKE THIS MOTHER F*****!
ST: (rolls a die) Ok, you aren't sure. Most of their head is caved in though.
MICK: Again! I'll hit them again! "TEACH YOU FOR TRYING TO BREAK INTO OUR HOME, **HOLE! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!!!"
ROGER: Ok I'll grab him. "GUys, help me!" (to oscar and aaron)
(OSCAR puts his hands up)
OSCAR: Totally not approaching the psycho wi tthe bloody baseball bat.
AARON:Fine, I'll help. Me and roger have a combined Power of 40 right?
ST: Yeah (rolling dice) OK, you manage to pull him off her.
MICK: Her? What? (turning to ROGER) I thought yous aid this was a spy sent from that crazy Jewish guy trying to get information from you.
ROGER: I told you I didn't know! THen you went all thug commando on us!
MICK: Pfff. I'll go check the body. He have any guns on him or anything? LIke a Mac-10?
ST: Nope. You find some candy though.
MICK: Candy? What the hell? What does he... SHE look like?
ST: Hard to tell due to the white sheet with the spooky eyes painted on it she has thrown over her head.
MICK: What?
ROGER: Oh my god. You mean just because...
ST: What say is it today, Mick?
OSCAR: Dude. You just killed a trick or treater.
MICK:Oh that is just low. NO, no way. That makes no sense. She rang our doorbell and then hid, trying to ambush us!
OSCAR: Dude it's halloween. THat's the 'trick'.
MICK: No this has to be a trick. She has candy in her pockets? that it?
OSCAR: Halllowweeeeeen (singing)
MICK: Yo, I didn't ask you.
KELLY: (walking in) Hey guys! Happy Hallow-
OSCAR: Mick just murdered a little girl wearing a ghost costume. Now she really is a ghost.
KELY: WHAT?!?
MICK: DUde shut up!
OSCAR: (laughing) God I love Halloween.


___________________________________________________________

Haha. YOu can tell what kind of mood I'm in. I should probablly shy away from being quite that macabre in the future. Heh

RICK: Fine it is of no consequence. I will go o up to the shop keep, and inquire the price of this adhesive material.
ST: Ok. Hold on. (rolls a die)
OSCAR: What are you rolling die for?
ST: See what kind of guy the clerk is.
RICK (thinking) Also, I will purchase a sweet confection in a long rectangular form.
AARON: What the hell? (looking at oscar)
OSCAR: (sighing) A candy bar. He's going to buy a candy bar.
AARON: You're going to role play out buying a candy bar? That's completely-

ST: "Sorry, we don't sell no damn candy bars, freeak."
RICK: He doesn't? Do i see any?
ST: Yes, right in front of you on the shelf.
RICK: I'll put the money down on the table, for the duct tape and the bar.
RICK:"I have the money right here sir, thank you for-"

ST:"I SAID I DON"T WANT YOUR MONEY, WHORE! YOU KNOW WHAT? AH'M GONNA EAT YOUR CANDY BAR, FOR YEW!" He grabs the bar and rips it open, taking a huge bite.
ST: "MMMM, SOOO GOOOD!"
OSCAR: I get the feeling Rick did poorly on that roll.

Bleak Universe
Part V

OSCAR: Will you just shut up and buy duct tape?
RICH: THis is the second time you have nearly caused our incarceration from authroity officials.
OSCAR: Oh yeah, that was all MY fault.
AARON: Hey, you were the one that went up to them to ask for your artifact back.
OSCAR: Shut up. They asked me who's crab it was, so i told them.
AARON: You forgot to mention the part where the crab was sitting on a dead guy missing his limbs.
OSCAR: Yeah ok, Like they really were going to think i chopped off the guy's limbs with a plushie crab toy.
________________________
feel like jumping ahead a bit.

Bleak Universe Part V


ST:Ok, so you guys headed straight to wherever crabby went?
OSCAR: THat's the plan.
ST: Ok, when you get there, there are two unconcious bar peeps you remember from before, and one yelling at the police.
ST: "I'm telling you man, it was a giant crab, it attacked us! It snapped my Ford Bronco in HALF!"
ROGER: (raising an eyebrow) Wow. I wouldn't believe that.
SCAR: Yeah no kidding. Who drives Ford Broncos?

Bleak Universe
Part V

ST: Ok, so are you going to follow the broken cars?
OSCAR: Yeah.
RICK: I cannot but think our time may be better spent elsewhere, like investigating our siblings disappearances and apparent capture, in addition to the apparent involvement of Aaron's fraternal unit?
AARON: "Fraternal unit"? (looks at ST) Do i have a robot and no one told me? Cuz that would be TOTALLY not fair.
OSCAR: And "Cannot but think?" There's no way that's right.

(RICK sits down and sulks,a cloud settling over him)
ROGER: Alright whatever. I'll show up and say...
ST: Show up? What randomly? In your magical flying helicopter? With its fairy radar system that always knows where everyone is?
ROGER: Whatever. Yeah that. so anyway- "So can you tell me what happened?"
OSCAR: "Well, basically after you, me and "Penumbra"(motioning at Rick) got to the crazy jewish guy's house they fought a giant rock cat thing, and then, we opened the door and fell through the floor which apparently hadn't been closed up enough, then vomits-like-crazy went off somewhere too...vomit like crazy, and we were stuck to wander around aimlessly in the dark and grope eachother, as the case may be (side-glance at AARON) Until we found a tunnel out, and I found a secret stash, (aside to ROGER)I told everyone i had to take a leak)and found a magic crab thing. Then we followed the tunnel up and it emptied into the bathroom of this bar, well except for you, since you were off on your magical helicopter ride. Then, here we are, chasing huge crabs that defended us from drooling hicks who talk like they freebase morphine.
ROGER: Oh. Well obviously I would've figured that out on my own.
OSCAR: Ok. Next time you can tell me what happened. How was your magical 'copter ride?
ROGER: Wonderful. I stocked 453 containers of Black Pepper.

Bleak Universe
Part V

ROGER: (narrowing his eyes) Crabs aren't 15 feet tall.
OSCAR: Well, this one is.
ROGER: I get the feeling that I missed something.
OSCAR: Yeah you did. But whatever, ehlp me with my crabs damnit!
ROGER:... I don't know what to say. What have you guys been DOING?
ST: It's a magic item that turned into a giant crab. NOw it's wandering around tipping over cars.
ROGER: Oh, um ok. Is it supposed to do that?
OSCAR: (petulantly) Apparently I have no control over it, even though I did in the beginning...
ST: Oh my apologies your eminenence. Perhaps if you showed me where your extsneive giant crab knowledge is on your character sheet, then I can give you minute control of something over 3 times larger than you.

(OSCAR flips off ST)
ST: Yes, thank you for that.
RICK: I believe i can help with this situation.
ST: Yeah, how's that?
RICK: I have a Monster Crab Lore book in my possesion.
(ST stares dumfounded.
(ST looks at Oscar)
(OSCAR starts laughing)
ST: WHAT? No way. Let me see it.
RICK: Ok, I kid.
ST: I KNEW it.
OSCAR: (staring) That was another joke! Wow Rick, careful or one of thse days a sense of humor might crawl out the back of you.

_______________________________________________________
Heh short one today. Hopefully i'll feel more funny juices flowing tommorrow.

Bleak Universe
Part V

ST: "Hhh-What in the hell?"
AARON: "Haha! Yeah, get him crabby!"
OSCAR: "Crabby?"
AARON: "Sure, why not?"
ST The Monster crab-
AARON: ...crabby
OSCAR: His name is not "Crabby"
ST: Whatever. (rolls dice) THe crab grabs baldie with one monster claw, and tosses him over the bar counter into some glasses beyond- *CRASH!*
ST:There are 4 other "ruffians" in here. One of them charges the monster Crab with a knife.
OSCAR: Watch out, Crabster!
ST: The guy stabs him with his knife, but it only sinks a short way before bending.
RICK: Really? Is that knife not steel? It's toughness factor should be well above that of the shell of a Crustacean class of Anthropod
AARON : (whispers to OSCAR) Normal people translation?
OSCAR (whispering back) A knife should *uck up a crabshell.
AARON: Oh ok.
ST: Monster Form makes all attributes "grow in proportion to size, both in height/width, but also in quality".
OSCAR: AWesome.
ST: "Yew freak! Weey'll keel yew and yer abomination in th'name a'GAWD"
OSCAR: Man do you sound retarded. "Cut off his head, crabster!"
ST: 'Crabster' tries to grab Bar-thug number 2, but the other 3 all jump on his back. He makes a sound like a killer whale gurgling and jumps through the bar window.
RICK: I will recover from my prone position and approach the rest of the group.
AARON: Hey there, mate. That crab there sure saved your life.
RICK: Why did you not come to my assitance?
AARON;(aside)"I was rooting for you though. KNow that (puts both of his fingers up in the copied mannerisms of you-know-who)
ST: Ok, as you're talking you hear...

(Roger walks in)
ROGER: Hey hey hey, what's goin on? Mick is with me, he's just gettin his character sheets from the car.
OSCAR: Hey man. You're just in time to help me get back my stuffed animal.
ROGER: Your stuffed animal? Why where is it?
OSCAR: Oh its running down the street
ST: You hear the sounds of loud metallic crashes, shattering glass, and screams.
OSCAR: ANd it's throwing cars.
ROGER: You're stuffed animal?!? There are sooo many things wrong with that.
OSCAR: Well, it is 15 feet tall.
______________________________________________________________________

This one's for all you "crab brothers" out there (as it was described to me)
Haha I hoped you all like the interaction stuff. My way of sayin thanks for readin thus far. Maybe ill do another one sometime way down the road. Or if i actually get more readers, lol. Don't want to over do them though, or they'll seem less special :)

Bleak Universe
Part V

AARON: New magic item? You found one in there?
OSCAR: Yeah, it was in some storage room under ground. I don't even know how it works...
ST:When you're in a dangerous situation, the Incarnae inside the item becomes active, and you can feel how to activate it. (ST shows OScar a page int he book) That's what you have, and that's how you activate it.
OSCAR: Ok, damn that's a weird one. Is cotton really an element?
ST (shrugs) I guess, i twas a supplemental element in the back. One of the rarer ones.
OSCAR: I'm having trouble seeing how this is going to help. But well...
ST:: Rick is in trouble and you need to help him?
OSCAR: Oh right that. But mostly, I'm bored. ANd i want to see what this does.
ST: Speaking of which, (rolls dice) Ok take 1 more moderate damage Rick. As soon as you get up.
RICK: I will spend this turn using "Lotus Evasion" that means that victories scored against me...
ST: Yeah ok i get it. Oscar, you're turn.
OSCAR: Ok. (turning to AARON) I pull out a stuffed animal. It's a red crap like the size of my palm.
AARON: HOw is that going to help?
OSCAR: I think i get it. Watch this.
OSCAR: Ok i'll put it on the floor, then call out the activation: "Cotton Element, Tier 5: Enliven the Artifice!"
ST: OK, the crab changes in form, it's outershell hardens and looks real. It's about a foot tall. It isn't a real crab, it just has the hard shell and pinchers of one on the outside. You can still see cotton coming out of it, so it's harder to actually hurt since it would just like squish a little if you got through, and wouldn't tear easy.It skitters sideways across the floor and blows bubbles.
AARON: Wow, that's totally fearsome Oscar. Cotton element mages are sooo amazing. Also, that's SARCASM mate.
ST: The bar people stop beating up rich with baseball bats and turn toward the crab. "HAR HAR! You brought yer little animal 'ere, eh? Watch this, we'll cruch him like a bug!"
ST: Baldie runs forward and makes to stomp on the crab.
OSCAR: I'm not done yet asshole! "Cotton Element Technique 5-E- MONSTER FORM!"
ST: The crab grows about 15 times, so it goes from about a foot tall, to 15 feet tall. It's pinchers are now large enough to fit around a human torso.
AARON: Holy SHIT!
ST: That's the last time you'll look down on cotton-mancers, eh?
OSCAR: Look upon my monster crab and PEE YOUR PANTS!

_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ok. Well this is pretty insane. You know, i DID say element is supposed to be an ACTUAL element, but, the people have spoken. Lol. So i'll just do a quick one, to show you all how i'm doing it. You'll have to wait til next time to see what actaully happens.

Bleak Universe
Part V


OSCAR: Hmmm.. I think that bar thug guy is talking to you, Rick.
ST: "I SAID, I"M TALKING AT YEW, FREAK!"
OSCAR:Come on, ask me how i know.
RICK: How do they say.. "Har Har"
AARON: Hey, where's everyone else this week anyway?
OSCAR: (ticking off fingers) Kelly is probablly whoring it up with her boyfriend-of-this-second,Roger is working os he can afford his pointlessly expensive gadgets,and Kyle is some kid who i don't know, and dont know why he came in the first place.
ST: My my, you're in rare form tonight.
OSCAR: I try.
AARON: (grants Oscar an unfriendly glare)Um, ok. Well I guess I'll look around for exits.
ST: You see three. One to the bathrooms, double doors behind the bar, and the exit at the far end of the room. Past the drunk people.
AARON: Ok, I'll start making my way past them.
ST: The tall bald guy steps in your way. "Where do yew think YER goin? FIEF! No one here saw yew come in, so howd you do it? You broked in, DIDN'T YOU, MEssin with OUR bar, makin our beer go up in... in..."
OSCAR: Price?
ST:"Yeth, exactly! So all of yew, just SIT RIGHT THERE, til you tell us where you come from, an how you git in heah?"
AARON: "Well, that is uh..." (to ST) Can you roll my CHARM? I have 10.
RICK: (standing up with rule book in hand) I've got it! They're LYCANTHROPES!
AARON: What? HOw do you know they're.. li..like a candy...scopes? ANd also, what are those?
ST: Lycanthropes, shapeshifters, Werewolves.
AARON: If those guys are really hairy, 8 feet tall, with huge wolf maws and glowing yellow eyes, and you didn't tell us, I'm going to be upset.
ST: They're not.
AARON: Right. (turning to rich) So how do you know?
RICK: I can just feel it.
OSCAR: You can just FEEL it? What are you, Jedi Master Retard?
RICK: Just trust me.
AARON: No way. Last time you said that, we were in that dirt cave dungeon thingy trying to find where the guy with the sword in his belly had left from. And that let us right here, staring down drunk barflies inexplicably carrying bats.
OSCAR: That makes no sense by the way, why would they be carrying bats?
ST: (lifting up a bat from behind his desk) Everone carries a bat. I've got mine. Where's yours?
OSCAR: Hey, that's not fair, this is your room.
RICK: Very well. You require proof, and you shall have it! (turns back to ST) I will inspect them! The innebriated persons.
ST: Inspect them?
RICK: Correct. I need to find (looking back in his book) "suspicious marks that could be hidden under clothing, in areas around the lower back"
ST: (widening his eyes in shock) Really? Ummm ok.... (rolls a die)
RICK: Excellent. Did I find "the mark of the devil indicated through a connecting brow, or sprouts of hair prevalent throughout the lower abdomen"?
ST: Close. He hits you with a baseball bat. (rolls die) Take 3 moderate damage to the head.
RICK: What? NO means to defend my self? And why this unprovoked attack?
ST: You were inspecting him.
RICK: Yes.
ST: Up close. In the "lower abdomen".
RICK: Yes but, oh i see. He misunderstood my intentions.
OSCAR: Haha I'll say.
ST: "Take that, gaaay boooy!" (rolls die) Take 3 more moderate. He smacks you in the head and over a bar table.
AARON: Uhmm. (looks at Oscar) Should we help him?
OSCAR: Pfff. Although... this does give me a chance to try the item i found...
_________________________________________

Audience interaction!!!
What is OSCAR's new item? (He found it in Shmoidreck's house. I kinda skipped over that part. Hopefully I'll go over what they found abit more next time. But anyway. What is the magic item?

You tell me! Hehe
One person post with ELEMENT (wind, water,earth, fire. Metal or wood is ok if you're feeling weird)
One person post with OBJECT (try not to go insane with it. Toaster, feather, knife, etc)
One person post a number (1-10) and a LETTER (A-J)

Might be a good idea for the person posting the object to take into acount what the element is. A feather with a Metal element might be kinda weird. But hey, why not? A metal feather might have silly powers.

Only one person per thingy. I'll update again whenever we get three posters. yeah i know this could be a long while. but that's fine. I should pay more attention to my other projects anyways.Get people to post or something! Hehe.

Bleak Universe
Part IV (end)

KELLY: (pouting) Ok FINE. I'll just ask him. "What's wrong? What can we do?"
KYLE: Can I talk?
ST: Barely.
KYLE: (straining) Had to prepare too much...too little fuel I.. neeed..sustenance...anything, else it will...eat me alive...
ST: (dice rolling) Ok- that's 3 more Medium damage poitns Kyle.
KYLE: Shit. "Gahh! hurry..please...)
OSCAR: It looks like he's gotta take a shit.

(ST glares at him)
(OSCAR sticks out his tongue and folds his arms.)

KELLY: "Sustenance? You mean food? We just fell down. We don't have food or-"
OSCAR: (whispering) She knows what "sustenance" means? That can't be right.
AARON: I think I remember this part. (to ST)I'll go look for an animals around here.
ST: (rolls dice) Yeah ok, you find a few rats.
AARON: Ok i'll kill them. "Sorry mates!" (he tips his giant pirate hat)
(Kelly stretches not paying attention)
KELLY: OOf. I'm tired. Wait... What?
ST: Kelly, you hear squealing sounds
KEELY: EEE! What are you doing over there?
AARON: "Nothing..." (whispering to ST- i'll walk over to Kyle's guy with the rat behind my back.
KELLY: (suspicious) Hey, what are you guys talking about?
AARON:"Nothing... HOLY CRAP LOOK OVER THERE!" (he stands up and points)

(KELLY looks alarmed and swings her had side to side wildly trying to find what AARON was pointing at)

(AARON mimes giving the rats to KYLE)

(ST laughs and nods)

(KYLE mouths "how many" and AARON holds up 3 fingers. Both look at ST, he nods. KYLE mimes eating the rats)
KYLE: So i'm all set now? (marking off something on his sheet)
ST: Er... right yeah if you do it, you'll be fine.

(KELLY looks back at AARON)
KELLY: WHat?! What is it?
AARON: Oh, my mistake... I thought it was a ...um... a train.
KELLY (furrowing an eyebrow) A TRAIN?
ST: Kelly, there's a rat tail sticking out of Kyle's character's mouth.
KELLY: What?! Gross! I'll run in and save the porr wittle rat!
(KYLE'S face suddenly changes dramatically. The pain vanishes and he doffs a cruel grin instead)
KYLE: I'll pull out my knife and aim to hit the ground right in front of where she'll be.
ST: (rolling) OK, yeah a knife smacks the ground point down, thudding into the dirt right infront of you, Kelly.
KELLY: Hey!
KYLE: I'll pull out another knife. "THe only reason I don't kill both of you right now, is because I still need you. I want to know why the Arrow is so interested in you. Otherwise (Kyle makes a significant motion across his neck) It would be far too easy, I can't believe you fools have even lived this long. Try not to die before I get what I need here. I'll be back, blind idiots." (Kyle practically snarls this last line, and both KELLY and ANDREW stare back in awe)
KYLE: (to ST) I'll start to head towards that palce I noticed before.
AARON: "Wait! What's going on, what are we blind about! We just saved your life! Why are you being such a dick?
KYLE: Someone you know made me this way, being slwoly eaten alive from the inside out. I need to know why,and how you're connected. YOu obviously don't know. But it may be i'll need you later.
AARON: What? Who? WHo made you that way.
KYLE: "Your brother"
(silence prevades in the room)
ST: Oscar? If you would?
OSCAR: Huh? Oh right i get it.
OSCAR: (singing)Dunnn dunnn DUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

_____________________________________


Otay. Well that's prolly enough plot for now, do you think? I'll try to curb my plot tendencies and do more weird silly stuff next time. I got a few funny ideas. Plus a new cahracter next time. I'l jump to anew part and talk about the rest that happens in this scene in flashback.

Bleak Universe
Part IV


RICK: It's the mineral-deposited carnivirous feline!
AARON: What?
OSCAR: (rolling eyes) THe stone lion.
KYLE: That might be what he's referring to, but that phrase didn't really make any sense.
OSCAR: Yeah. you'll have to get used to that.
RICK: Hey Oscar?
OSCAR: What?
RICK: SHUT UP! (He yells loud enough so that everyone else in the room has to cover their ears)
ST: Thank you for that. SO? Aaron? Actions?
AARON:Piss my pants?
OSCAR: Good call.
AARON: I guess I'll back away from it. "Good stone-kitty... Nice stone-kitty... Is that a new... paint job? On your... um...rockface?
OSCAR: LAME.
AARON: Oh COME ON. YOU come up with something better when a stone lion is stalking towards YOU?
OSCAR: Hey, if that ever happens, I will.
ST: It makes a movement forward. It looks a little cracked from the fall, and there are there's a musky chemical smell of burning rocks as you can see the acid still eating through the Lion's body.
AARON: DAMNIT! I'll look around while backin gup, I don't see his (pointing at kyle) guy around anywhere?
ST: Nope.
AARON: I'll call out: "Hey, crazy sword guy, you let your cat get out!"
ST: He pounces.
KELLY: (squinting at kyle) Doesn't look like he's pouncing to me.
AARON: I'll push Kelly back. I guess I'll.. try kicking it as it comes in, or soemthing. I am so screwed.

(ST looks significantly at Kyle)
KYLE: Crap. Damnit I can't let him die yet. Sigh. I'm empty, but I'll do it anyway. Man is this going to hurt. "DEVOURING THE CAGE!"

(ST nods and rolls some dice)
KYLE: I'll jump up and stab it in the back of the head, getting the acid as far down there as I can.
ST: Ok it was distracted with it's quest to eat Aaron and all, so you caught it off guard. You stab it in the head and it disintegrates into a mushy pile with a "RAAAAWWWRRR!"
OSCAR: Hah! Nice, you were right about how that was going to hurt.
KYLE: That's not what I meant.
ST: You got 5 more victories than you needed. That's five severe mediu damage.
KYLE: Damn my good luck.
ST: If that keeps up...
KYLE: I know. Shit. Ok.(puts on thinking face)
ST: Ok everyone, the dust clears, and you find Kyle's guy on the ground writhing in pain. His stomach is all shrivelled, and you hear a hissing sound, like when you pour cool water on a frying pan.
OSCAR: And his stomach is the frying pan.
AARON: What? You've figured it out already?
RICK: Of course. It's obvious-
AARON: Damn, why does every know about this exept for me?
RICK: -since it says on page 504 of the Bleak Universe Handbook that-
AARON: Nevermind.
KELLY: I run over to the new guy and heal him!
ST: With what?
KELLY: Um... my... hands?
RICK: (to oscar) I can now see why you no longer comment when she speaks.
OSCAR: (nodding gravely) Some things are beneath even me.

Bleak Universe
Part IV

OSCAR: Sweet, so we get to see it this time. So what does he do?
ST: How would you know anyway?
OSCAR: Whatever. They'll tell me about it later anyway.

(ST frowns)
ST: Ok-His stomach begins rippling, and he pushes his hand into his stomach.
KELLY: EWWWWWW!!!! (she makes a face and shakes her hands as if trying to shake something gross off them)
ST: He begins pulling his hand out of his stomach, and when is hand is free, it keeps going and you see that he's pulling a sword out of his stomach. It's dripping acid. The stone Lion leaps at him, and he jumps to one side,a t the same time hitting it with his sword. Acid sprays out from the sword and onto the Lion. it slams into the ground in front of you, putting a huge dent in the floor, and sending a mixture of dirt and rocks flying everywhere.

AARON: I'll jump and shield Cutesy from the rocks.
ST (rolls dice) Ok, Take 3 minor damage points.
AARON: "OW. Shit."
KELLY: "Are you ok?"
AARON: "Yeah, just bruises."
KELLY: (to ST) He took the damage instead of me?
ST: Looks like it.
KELLY (to AARON) YOu're so brave!
AARON: (fake macho) I know, my ribs kicked that rock's ass. (he squints with one eye, to show that he's hurt) "Ok, let's see what happened." (to ST)I'll look around, where is that lion thing, and er, him? (pointing to kyle)
ST: It's still smokey from the dirt.
AARON: Ok. I'll start walking forward, searching for the non-lion guy. "Stay close behind me" (to KELLY)
KELLY: "Otay"
ST: (rolls a die) Ok Aaron, your hands hit something.
AARON: Ok cool. I'll say, "Hey man, thanks for that-"
ST: It starts growling.
AARON: (to kyle) Why are you growling?
KYLE: I'm not.
AARON (light bulb moment) Oh. Oh shit.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Welp, guess i'll get back to mosying back through the plot. Thanks for reading, Mitch-Faithful. Even if I can pretend that other people are reading, it makes it much easier for me to do my own projects for reasons you probablly wouldn't understand, cuz i'm all crazy.

Mitch's Crazy Sports Plays!

I've got 2 so far. I did what i could to confirm that these are actually legal, but it's possible that there may be something I missed- if so you may have to try it in a Rec club, or like little league or something. Haha.

Football

"The Boston Masacre"

This one was named by someone else after me at college in Pennsylvania, since it was like amazing that I was from Boston.

This is how it works. This would have to be practiced a lot, but you could easily catch an opposing defense with their pants down, so to speak. Everyone lines up per normal. You'll need at least 2 wide recievers wandering around behind the line. What happens is, one of the reciever starts on the line, the QB begins reading off the play, RECIEVER A moves back around behind the line like he's going to try running a psot on the other side or something. He runs that way, runs thath way... and runs STRAIGHT OUT OF BOUNDS. At the same time, RECIEVER SUBSTITUTE runs on the field at the exact INSTANT the QB says "HIKE" . You'd have to practice that. Then RC runs on the inside. He should be wide open. Chances are good that the guy covering RA will like run out of bounds in his confusion, perhaps right into a Gatorade Basin too, which is good for extra hilarity points.


I had another really stupid idea that would never work about baseball too. Involving peopel dressing up in catcher gear and standing in front of the plate to repel base hits. haha.




Taking a rest from bleak universe I think. Maybe just a day or two, maybe more i dunno. But i think i got so far ahead of everyone that they aren't interested in reading anymore. :shrug:

Anyway

Bleak Universe

Part IV

ST: You ARE? Er, that's odd.
ROGER: Yeah, I had to take it in order to get the "Illogically accurate" Strength. It means i can hit things even If i don't know they exist.
ST: Remind me to make any gun you get immediately explode.
ROGER: Ok... Wait- heeey.
ST: So... (in tv announcer voice) MEANWHILE, BACK UNDERGROUND...
KELLY:...
ST: Kelly?
KELLY: What?
ST: Someone grabbed your arm?
KELLY: THey DID? (looks down at her arm, which is free of hands grabbing it)
ST: A week ago.

(KELLY looks painfully confused.)
KELLY: But why would I care about that now?
ST: In the STORY? You know, after you guys had fallen into the pit and... anyone want to help me out here?
OSCAR: I wish we had popcorn. This is better than a movie.
RICK: I could go create some.
ST: Hey.
(Rick and Oscar look in ST's direction)
ST: SHADDUP.
KELLY: Ohhhhhhh. Right! Yea, I was just thinking about that, but i forgot!
(ST is just sitting there staring)
KELLY: Right, all in character and stuff, ok (deep breath)
KELLY: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

(KELLY screams at the top of her lungs. It is so high pitched that it seems to breach the upper octave range leaving the human auditory range at times. But when it is within perception, the room shakes)
KELLY: "Who has my hand, LET GOOOO!!"
OSCAR: SHIT!
ROGER: Damn! Please don't do that anymore.

(ST looks at Kyle with a questioning look)
KYLE: Whoa. OK. I'll let go of her hand I'll say "SHHHH. Sorry to frighten you, but I didn't want you to fall, there are some uneven parts in the dirt down here."
KELLY: "Oh. Ummm. Who are you?" I'll look at him, what does he look like?
ST: It's pitch black down there, you have no idea.
AARON: Well mate, you've given us quite a scare now haven't ya?"
KYLE: (to kelly) "Why does he talk like that"
KELLY: I'll shrug.
KYLE: "Well?"
KELLY: I SAID, I'll SH-oh right, dark. Um. "I don't know."
ST: You hear a voice from up up above. "Oy! Quit that racket, I know how to quiet you down but good i bet!" The dirt parts and you see light.
AARON: Awesome!
ST: You see Shmoidreck standing there, with that statue of a Lion nearby. He puts his stony hand on the statue and shouts: "StoneHand element: Waking the Lion of Zion!"
AARON: NOT awesome.
ST: THe Lion statue slowly turns from white into the yellowish hue of fur, and the color of life spreads through out. Then it lets out a ferocious ROOOAAAAR! and jumps off its pedastal, then down the hole, landind 10 yards in front of you. The ground abov eyou seals up once again. "You kids have fun playing now!"
AARON: "Bastard."
ST: A thin hole has been left in the ceiling above, and a shaft of light comes down, giving enough light so you can see the lion. It stalks toward you.
KELLY: "Eek! Lion!"
KYLE: "Both of you, get behind me."
AARON: "Wait a minute something isn't right about this, weren't you the guy who-
ST: The lion circles, moving toward you.
KYLE: I'll keep myself between it and the people behind me. "I was hoping to keep you all out of this. Why have you come here?
AARON: "We want to know what's going on mate. We found an address you left behind.
AARON: I'll pick ip a rock and huck it at the stone thing. "Take this!"
KELLY: OOh, good idea. I'll do that too. "Big meanie! Take this!"
ST: (sighs and rolls dice)No effect
KYLE: (to ST) Wait, are they behind me?
ST: (shrugs) didn't say they were.
KYLE: "What are you doing? THat isn't going to help! Get out of the way, get WELL behind me!"
KELLY and AARON: We'll get behind
(KELLY looks at AARON and giggles)
ST: The stone-lion stops a couple yard away and slinks down, as if getting ready to pounce.
KYLE: I'll wait for it, prep a double action. I'll check back, are they a good distance behind?
ST: Yes.
KYLE: Ok, good. Waiting.
ST: It pounces.
KYLE: Simple Maneuver 4, side-step. And then: "Hunger Sword Element: Devouring the Cage!"
OSCAR:Hey, you're vomits-freely!

______________________________________

Ok, so who's still reading?

Anonymous Phantom? Are you still with us?

Bleak Universe

Part IV

ST: Hey everyone. How was your week?
(they enter one at a time, saying something each as they do so)
KELLY: It was WONDERFUL! And YOURS? (she's wearing a smile that looks like it's in danger of cracking her face)
ST: (taken aback) Oh... alright I guess...
KELLY: SO... Do I...
AARON: My week was pretty good.
RICK: As for me, it was ...(puts finger to mouth in deep contemplation) adequate.
OSCAR: Sucked.
ROGER:Hey, shut up Rick. YOu hung out with us. We kicked ASS.
OSCAR: Emphasis on the ass.
ROGER: You'd know all about that.
ST: Whoa. Too much information.

ST: Ok. Let's see. We left off with Rick and Oscar bravely hiding under a bush, I believe? And where were you again Roger?
ROGER: I wasn't here last week. I'll just be with them. Or like, I just show up now.
ST: Oh, ok.
ROGER: "Hey guys, what's going on?
OSCAR: "'Cutesy' and 'Jacob Arrow' went to make out in that Jewish guy's house." I'll point.
RICK: And then the ground began to gyrate in an earthquake.
ROGER: GYRATE?! I don't think that's the word you were goin for.
OSCAR: Haha. No, I think he's right.
ROGER: Ok. So why are we here in the first place?
OSCAR: Some guy in white robes and a mask kidnapped our brothers, sisters, etc and we found a note in the room of Vomits-for-no-reason that led to this address. Decoy.. i mean 'Cutesy'(he says this as if it causes him great pain) and Jake went to the door and crazy Jewish guy let them in, then the shaking, then you.
ROGER: If you guys are way back here, and didn't hear their conversation, how do you know he's Jewish?
OSCAR (shrugs): WE just do. Same way I know that she (points to Kelly) is anti-semitic.
ROGER: "Ok whatever. Screw this. You guys are pansies. Let's go find out what happened." Ok, I'll walk up to the door. Is it locked?
ST: (rolls a die) Nope. It opens when you turn it.
ROGER: Cool, I'll open it and walk in.
ST: Ok, are the rest of you following?
OSCAR: Hell no.
AARON: I'll say "Wait... um... you... over ther- (whispers whats your guy's name?)
ROGER:(puts his handsup, palms outward to increase drama) Ace!
OSCAR: Lame.
AARON: "Hey, Ace wait! It's dangerous!" Hold on man, you weren't here last time, you should know that.
ST: What should he know? YOu mean he should know what none of you do?
AARON:...yes?
ROGER: Whatever. I'm opening the door.
ST: Ok. Hold that thought, we'll go back to the-
KELLY: I am NOT anti-summit!! I like summits just fine! Err, semits, er semites, or whatever HE (points to Oscar) said.
OSCAR: I said that like 10 minutes ago, what are you in like a time-warp?
KYLE: Yeah, those bastard summits, looking down their noses at upstanding mountain-climbing citizens. They will pay.
AARON: Holy crap! Where did you come from?
KYLE: You mean like, metaphysically?
AARON: No. No i don't think i do.
KYLE (wan smile) I've been here the whole time.
ROGER:(stands up) Ah RIGHT! Hey everyone, I figured it out, anti-semitic has to be bad.
AARON: How do you know?
ROGER: It's on my sheet under "weaknesses"

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Man i need like a counter or something. Can you even put those on these pages? Hmm.