If you're intersted in a word, you use a simple dictionary, like at dictionary.com. Of etymology or any other specific or vaguely connected details of the word are what you're looking for, you use an encylopedia.

And if you want to read about a word as if it was the center of the universe, and have simple aspects of it described in hilariously verbose language:

You go to wikipedia.

Try looking up vulgar words. It's INSANE the amount of detail they put into it. And they turn hilarious phrases with practically zero irony.

Like this one- "'Give me a bite of that shit' implies a deliciousness notably absent from the literal substance."

Somehow this scholar seems like a word scientist to me. Upon hearing and becoming familiar with a casual turn of phrase like the above, I imagine him furrowing his brow, writing down in detail what exactlty was meant, why, and every possible interpretation and explanation of what precise idiomatic, metaphorical, or euphamatic category it should fall under.

(You see what I did there? Tons of unnecesary description. It's fun isn't it?)

I can imagine him with his horn-rimmed glasses, at his computer at a dorm in college. He is eating a bag of potato chips and his roomate drifts in from the hall, saying "Yo give me a bite of that shit!" And then, after several awkward seconds, the writer hands over the bag, a funny expression on his face.

He then heads off to the bathroom to experiment. I mean really, how else would you come up with the phrase 'a deliciousness notably absent from the literal substance'.

There I go being all hypocritical again.

(Side-note: I misspelled hypocritical initially with an 'i' and the spell checker advised I should change it to 'hippo critical'. I could write an entire article just on that.)

Maybe I should write some wikipedia articles. I wonder if they have an entry for 'ba-dump ching'.

How about this- 'An onomatopoeiac expression indicating a combination of percussonistic beats often used to punctuate witticisms."

Honestly, if you don't know what 'ba-dump ching' or 'give me a bite of that shit' means, how are you going to interpret something like that? Eh, I guess different countries like England, Australia might benefit from cultural analysis. Still, you have to admit it seems a little silly.

And musing on the topic amuses me greatly either way.

Some Advice on Commercials-

Have you ever encountered that ONE commercial that really pisses you off? Maybe it's the whole feather/camel scenario where it's just one more fake celebrity endorsement/stategic product placement than is alotted in Sanity Slots(tm) in your brain.

WEll, I think I may be able to help. The solution is surprisingly simple. Here, I'll give you an example that I've encountered recently, and that has been driving me crazy. It's a dunkin donuts commercial where the plucky celibrity actor fires off some fake crap about the holidays and christmas shopping, and how the only solution is a coolata enema. She inserts a whole lot of winking and what I can only imagine is supposed to be a winning giggle. It's so fake and 'holiday fever' common denominator that I imagine cutting her in half with one of those giant scottish claymroe swords every single time.

But I tell you, there is a better way. The next time you encounter your commercial weak spot, do this:

While the actor is talking, replace the name of whatever product their pushing with HUMAN BABY.

Let's try a paraphrased version of my commercial with this new technique, shall we?

Fade-in. Celebrity walks through a fake space filled with christmas junk. She turns non-chalantly towards the camera.

FAKE CELEBRITY: (stamped fresh with appropriate sympathetic attitude) You know, the holidays can be real tough sometimes. But you know what I do when I feel the Holiday Blahs? (appropriate dramatic pause, followed by a smile brigher than a thousand abombs) I go down to Dunkins and get myself a HUMAN BABY. It really helps pick me up so I can go shopping. I also love to share a HUMAN BABY with my mother, just for the holidays. Delish! (cue winking and winning giggle)

Suddenly the entire commercial is turned around. Even the incredibly annoying wink and giggle are now far more hilarious than they were last time I saw the commercial.It's all about the secret hidden context.

Go ahead, try it out yourself. You can ride Human babies through rugged terrain, use human babies to insure your car, sing along with the amazing HUMAN BABY Christmas special.

This message brought to you by: Super Non-PC-o-vision.