From: Mr. Usman KARIM,
The Manager in Charge of
Auditing department of
Bank of Africa (B.O.A)

Hello Dear Friend,


This already looks good. I didn't realize I had any friends from Africa! It's a shame he forgot my name and had to write "Hello Dear Friend" instead, though. What gives Mr. KARIM? I'm starting to think we aren't friends after all.

This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility.

Once I figure out what "unserious" means, I may certainly get that temptation, yes. Wow! A divine wish! Were you a banker for GOD? Way to go straight for the "I swear this isn't a scam" trick. And If I am suspicious of your motives, well you just dash them right away by demanding my humility. Well played, Sir.

Sometimes the urgency of a letter could determine the channel in which it is sent, this letter is very urgent and important and the fastest channel to reach you is via your email address. I got your contact through Burkina Faso Information Exchange I decided to contact you.

Since I imagine your about to tell me that your the esteemed banker for someone with a metric boatload of money, how clever of you to claim that the "urgency of a letter could determine the channel in which it is sent", explaining why this important message outlining the transfer of millions of dollars was handled as an EMAIL. What's wrong KARIM? Were things really so urgent that you couldn't spend 10 seconds making a phone call to, I don't know, say a BANK? Your only option was to troll the internet? You seemed to have enough time to look up addresses on the "Burkina Faso Information exchange". Funny, I don't remember registering with them. Man, I must've been so drunk.

I am seeking your humble assistance to provide either an existing bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund, even an empty account can serve this purpose, or you help to seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us.

You know Karim, you could just use the yellow pages. Just open it up to the "honorable businessmen" section. Wow, you sure do cut to the quick. Most people would wait a few more paragraphs before asking for bank account information. But I understand Karim, you just want to get that unpleasant business out of the way. I can even give you an empty account? You aren't going to wait until I put funds in it or try to steal my identity to get access to other accounts that do have money in them, are you KARIM? No, I apologize. That was suspicious of me. It's important that we trust each other this early in our business relationship.



Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that this transaction is being handled by me and my colleagues, who are also departmental heads in the same bank.

I am Mr. Usman KARIM, The Manager in charge of Auditing department of Bank of Africa (B.O.A) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in West Africa , with due respect and Regard, I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that need your Urgent assistance and will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.

Can you receive 19.5m, (Nineteen million five hundred thousand USD) on my behalf and you will be compensated with 30% of it, while 5% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer, and 65% will be for me ?



Wow! Is it OK if I receive millions of dollars for having an empty bank account and essentially doing nothing? I don't know Mr. Usman. That's quite a tall order. There are an awful lot of numbers and symbols in that sentence. But, OK. I think I can manage it. Thank god you found someone of my particular subset of skills- that is, having an empty bank account and being able to sit around and collect money. I bet I was the only one in that category in the "Burkina Faso Information Exchange". I don't know KARIM. Maybe I should haggle for a higher rate.


***
OK I guess I should explain real quick in case your Sarcastometer(patent pending!) is broken.

I just got one of those "nigerian scam" emails in my junk box. So far I've only read the first line, I swear. but I can already tell that's what it is. The premise is that somehow someone needs to give you a lot of money for some reason that makes no sense, and all they need for this to happen is your bank account number. The reason it's called "nigerian" is that apparently a lot of them are from that region, and the English is always hilariously scrambled.

This one is kinda long though. If I'm still feeling funny enough next week, I may finish it off, because it does have some rather amusing logical problems later on.